A mother's lament

The girls are starting to crawl. I'm trying hard to embrace their newfound independence, but we are utterly unprepared for this next phase. Of course we knew it was coming, but it still feels like it happened overnight.

We rushed out and bought an extra tall gate for the stairs that lead to the basement, hastily plugged all of the electrical sockets, and have the XT Superyard up around their play area.

Suddenly, our entire house seems like a danger zone - a choking, pinching, toppling over hazard. They crawl towards the dog, the camera, grab at my coffee cup while I'm drinking it, poke one another in the eye, want to crawl inside the exersaucers and underneath the bouncy seats. They demand constant vigilance now and I realize it will only get worse.

They are growing and developing so fast. I choke up when people comment that they've lost their infant-look, when I pack away clothes they've outgrown, or when I think about their first birthday just three months away. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited by their progress, proud of how far we've come, but I can't shake the sadness that I'll never get to experience this particular kind of baby magic again.

I feel like I've hardly had a chance to enjoy their babydom. It has consumed almost every minute of every day, but having triplets immerses you so fully and completely in the experience that you rarely have a chance to step back and recognize time has past.

I force myself to come to a standstill sometimes and just breathe. I watch them sleep, or linger a minute to snuggle their necks and steal kisses before I lay them down after a middle-of-the-night feeding. I play peekaboo, tickle games, and blow raspberries on their tummies, but there's never enough time between everything else that needs to happen to just enjoy being with them. It always feels like stolen moments.

It's almost with a shock that I realized I've stopped burping them, or that they no longer wail for every little thing.

Mostly their cries are now related to frustration at not being able to get into a specific position or reach a specific toy. Even though they don't have separation anxiety, they often let out a quick displeased cry when I dare walk away.

They crack us up when they talk to one another, giggle at one another's antics, or mimic one another. When they're in the exersaucers and one starts to jump, it causes such a ruckus when the others join in and it leads to lots of belly laughter. They really do amuse one another. It's adorable to watch.

I often sneak a peek into their bedroom when they've woken up to see them "chatting" with and cooing at one another. Sometimes they'd coo a bit before falling asleep too. There are lots of conversations happening in their nursery that we're not privy to.

Their personalities are really starting to show. They're such little people now.

Eight Months - Sitting!

Ada has been sitting up unassisted since June 29. She's not comfortable on her belly and doesn't roll as frequently as her sisters. It'll take some time before she starts crawling, I think. She still falls backwards sometimes, and struggles to go from a seated position to a crawling position, so we still have a Boppy pillow behind her, just in case.

For a few weeks now, Emma has been rocking back and forth in an attempt to start crawling. A couple of days ago she finally managed to free her hands one at a time and scootch her knees forward. She's so darn close now. Be afraid!

She started cutting her first top front tooth last week, and a 3rd bottom tooth cut yesterday. Our littlest peanut, who struggled the most in the NICU, is blazing a trail. The past two weeks eating cereal has finally clicked for her as well and she now anticipates the spoon coming towards her and opens her mouth. I'm sure they think I'm a riot because there's lots of bee buzzing and chucka chucka toot-toot train sounds as the spoon approaches them. It's so much faster to feed her now than it was in the beginning. Emma and Julia both have a pretty significant gag reflex. When I tried peas and sweet potato (different feedings), she gagged and barfed.

Julia is close to sitting unassisted and can get herself into a crawling position, but hasn't been able to move forward yet. Her first top tooth is just under the surface. She doesn't particularly care for solids and clams shut if it's anything but cereal and fruit.

They're clinging on to us when we pick them up. Just like little monkeys. They're not stretching out their arms to be picked up yet, but I noticed Ada reaching somewhat when her dad bent down to pick her up yesterday.

We've been teaching them basic sign language and yesterday Julia made the sign for milk. She opened and closed her hand several times in a very deliberate way. It was an approximation of the sign, but I'll take it.

I suddenly realized last week that we're no longer burping them. They tend to take care of it themselves when they start moving around. It's the best. With them sitting a bit better, I suddenly have my arms free while playing with them and it's so much easier!

Checking in at the doctor's office

Being a triplet momma often elicits big reactions from strangers. Even without my kids present. I've gotten used to the idea of having triplets. As used to it as is possible, I guess, because it does still feel weird to use the word, "triplets." I just think of them as my 3 children, born minutes apart.

So there I was, presenting myself to the receptionist at the doctor's office. She asks me all the usual questions to confirm my identity. "My personal information is unchanged and my insurance number is the same. But there are a few new names on the card, in case you wanted to scan it again."

I hand over the insurance card.

She: Which name is new?
Me: There are 3 new names - my babies.
She: Wait. What?
Me: I have triplets.
She: YOU had triplets?
Me: Yes.
She: YOU?
Me: Yes. Almost 8 months ago now.
She (incredulous as she sizes me up): You BIRTHED them yourself?
Me (smiling): I did.
She (now elbowing her colleague to share her disbelief): Hey, SHE (pointing at me) had T.R.I.P.L.E.T.S?! Can you believe it?!

Now I have all 6 employees behind the window staring up at me, asking questions simultaneously. I answer them all, and then drift away on a cloud of ego-stroked bliss.

The girls' development at seven months

The girls are all starting to sit up, but they are not able to sit unassisted yet. They laugh out loud - easily and frequently - and it's just the best sound ever. It melts my heart. Of course, they think their parents are a riot. We pull faces, play tickle games, make funny sounds as we touch their noses and blow raspberries. Any game that works with anticipation is just the ticket.

In general, getting belly laughs and giggles now is so much easier than two months ago. It's bliss! I love love love this fabulous stage.

They light up when they see my husband or I and what could be better than that? They are totally okay with being picked up and held by our friends, but they definitely keep tabs on my whereabouts, which is so cute. They're starting to be a little less sure around people they haven't met or seen in a while, so we're seeing a few quivering lower lips every now and then. It usually just takes a quick reassuring expression from me or them just catching sight of me, for them to settle down and enjoy the interaction with the "new" person.

Ada finally rolled from stomach to back and once she figured it out, she couldn't stop doing it. They all go to sleep on their tummies because of reflux, but when they aren't tired enough, they'll flip themselves over. This usually goes along with a ginormous grin observed out of the corner of my eye as I'm trying not to make eye contact. Sometimes there's a giggle for special effect, and a fabulous, "Look what I can do! I'm so totally adorable. Come on, pick me up!" expression.

We resist the urge to interact when they're going down for a nap, but I often walk out of the nursery, close the door and then crack up because the cuteness factor is simply off the scales.

Julia and Emma are rolling both ways now. They're not able to roll multiple times yet. Emma almost did it yesterday, but then a toy distracted her and stopped her in her tracks. Our littlest is the most mobile of the three. She has been making crawling motions and will get her one leg under her and rock, but then doesn't know where to take the movement. She scootches after toys, and is quick as lightning when it comes to snagging toys away from in front of her sisters. Emma has been tummy "surfing" in circles recently. She completed two 360 degree circles in the spate of a few minutes.

We often joke how true it is that kids would rather play with the cardboard box than their toys. They love the shadows on the walls, the tags on their toys, bouncy seats and Boppy pillows, and playing with their own fingers and toes!

On that note: we have 3 little toe suckers now. Eek! I know it's a developmental milestone when they find their feet and can bring their toes to their faces, but yikes. I've even caught them suckling on one another's toes, which is just one more wonderful benefit to being a triplet: 30 toes to suck on!

I often find them holding or touching one another's hands, faces and hair. Those are the sweetest moments. There is, of course, lots of accidental slapping of their sisters (darn those fine motor skills), accidental face poking and scratching, but for the most part, they're as gentle as they can be at this age.

Seven Months

It Finally Happened

Imagine that: a good night's sleep! All 3 girls slept through the night and we did too. No waking, no fussing, no feeding, no nothing between 11 and 7. Not a peep!

And miracle of all miracles: both Dh and I slept straight through too. Usually, we're anticipating their wake cycle and struggle to go back to sleep despite being overtired. Dh thought I was up with them and I thought he was up with them. It took us a while this morning to realize they had slept through the night.

I was so uncomfortable during the IVF cycle and pregnancy that there was no sleeping through the night. Therefore it is the first solid night of uninterrupted sleep in more than 14 months!

Out & About

We've been getting out much more often, which is phenomenal. The girls love it, and I get a sanity break. It is a heck of a lot of work to pack, load, unload, feed, diaper, load, unload on my own when we're on the go, but I manage. Whenever we venture out with the minivan, I'm exhausted by the time we're home. But it gets easier the more we do it.

Going out for walks around the neighborhood is much easier and faster. We regularly go on a 2 mile hike on a nearby trail. It used to be a railroad track, so it's not too uneven with the stroller. Just a good enough shakey shake to help them burp!

We participated in a parade recently and it was awesome. I mean, we're a freak show anyway with the triplet limo, so why not flaunt it? There were lots of exclamations along the lines of, "Triplets? Awesome!" or "Look, cute babies!" and "Wow, triplets!" Wonderful, supportive shouts of "Yay for the mommy!" which was just magic to hear. I loved seeing the crowd's reaction and my husband had a video camera pointed at the crowd so we could capture it for posterity. My face hurt, I was smiling so much.

The girls get tons of attention whenever we head out, of course, because who can resist a baby? Any baby. And 3 of them, well, that's just 3 times the magnet.

I've learned to embrace it rather than resent it, since they'll blend in soon enough once they start walking and we ditch the stroller. I realize spotting triplets is a novelty, and I would probably have reacted the same way if I suddenly encountered a set of adorable triplets.

We're lucky in the sense that we haven't had too many awful comments and that not a single stranger has attempted to touch the babies. There are often very strange and quirky questions, comments and responses that amuse me. People are clearly caught off guard and then say the funniest things. The best one from yesterday, "Are they REAL triplets?" I just laughed proudly and said, "Yes!" But it left me wondering: real... as opposed to?

Since we were in a huge parade, I knew people would be taking photos and I was sort of trying to be okay with that. The only annoying encounter we had was when a woman walked up before the parade as we were crossing the street and without even making an attempt to talk to us, she just put her cell phone camera in their faces to take a photo. I purposefully stood in front of her, made a face, and said in an offended tone, "No. Please don't." Ugh. Thankfully, she retreated and said, "Sorry." I think people don't realize in that moment that these are my children, not some oddity. She had kids with her, and I'm sure she'd be mortified if some stranger walked up to her, randomly pulled out a camera, and took close up photos of her kids! Sheesh, people.

On a happier note, there was a surprise bonus: we spotted 2-year old triplets in the crowd during the parade! The mom was waving like crazy to get our attention. LOL. And afterwards, a woman came up to me to tell me her best friend was 10 weeks pregnant with triplets. I gave her my contact details to share with her friend, and I hope she reaches out to me. It's so scary in the beginning when you have no idea what the outcome of your pregnancy will be. If she contacts me, I'd love for her to meet our kids and hopefully, that will give her some encouragement to see how they're thriving now.

Miss Personality x 3

Over these past 6 months, I've learned to distinguish my babies' cries from one another, to pick up on their tired and hungry cues before it reaches epic proportions, and to be in the moment with them.

They're acting more like little girls these days rather than fragile preemie infants and it's wonderful to see.

Ada has started cooing more frequently and with a larger repertoire of sounds. She laughs out loud more often and giggles in reaction to the games we play with her. She can go from frowning and looking very serious to the widest, happiest, beaming smile. She's such a joy and was first to laugh out loud. Ada is more content during the day than at night. Her fussy periods are thankfully shorter than they used to be. She still doesn't settle herself, though. When she gets overstimulated or overtired, it's really hard to calm her down. She has the saddest sob ever and it takes a long time to calm her down after she cried. Sometimes I can't soothe her at all regardless of trying all "The Happiest Baby on the Block" techniques and it just breaks my heart when she cries uncontrollably like that. I don't want to rush this precious stage she's in right now, but I can't wait for her to outgrow the GERD (reflux) and colic.

She loves eating solids and we have progressed from rice cereal to veggies and rice cereal with fruit. So far, she's tried carrots, peaches, green beans, pears and apples. She made the FUNNIEST "What are you doing to me?!" face when we offered her the carrots and peaches, but ate it anyway. She waves her arms and kicks her legs when I approach her with the bowl and spoon and then proceeds to smack her lips once she tastes the food. It's a riot watching her eat as she's now taken to blowing raspberries and "speaking" with her mouth full of food. I've also been sneezed upon with a mouth full of sticky cereal!

Ada is not that into her toys yet and struggles with gross motor movements. She is pretty sturdy in the sitting department, but movement? Not so much. She can hold her head up and push up, but is not interested in aeroplaning or rolling.

Julia is grasping toys with both hands and studying them. She coos and blows bubbles and makes lots of different sounds. Unlike most babies, she decided to make consonant sounds before attempting the vowels. She likes to say, "rrrr" like the Spanish would pronounce it. She had a few fussy days recently and the drooling has increased a million fold, so we figured teething was imminent. We were right. Two days ago, we noticed her first bottom tooth, and today she's sporting another. She's cutting them fast and furious.

Julia was the last to come home from the NICU, but first to roll over from stomach to back, and she's first in the teething department. She was first to push up when lying on her tummy. Now that she knows how to coo, giggle, push up and roll, it takes some effort on our part to get her to keep doing it. She seems to bore easily. As soon as she acquires a new skill, she wants to move on to the next big thing. Her latest maneuver is lying on her back and lifting both legs up. Once she realizes she can sway her body to the side by doing that, she'll be rolling to her tummy in no time.

She has a slightly more serious disposition than her sisters. She finds my games amusing and will laugh out loud when I persist, but I have to earn it. Tough crowd. Sometimes I'll only get half a smile. She does this almost teenager-like expression where just the corner of her mouth is turned upward, like she's throwing me a bone. "Here, mom, here's your consolation prize for trying so hard."

Julia has tasted all of the same foods as Ada, but isn't as keen on solids at this point.

Emma is our tiniest pixie (we call her "Pixel" sometimes because she's so small). She has struggled the most with reflux. Despite that, she is such a content baby. She soothes herself to sleep by sucking her thumb and is by far our champion sleeper.

Emma has such a sweet, calm disposition. She rarely cries and fusses and now that we have switched to Prevacid for GERD, she is eating much better. A few weeks ago, I struggled to get 22 oz in her per day, but now she is regularly eating 26oz+ and less symptomatic. She isn't into solids at all and gags easily, but we've been having her taste whatever Ada eats, just for practice.

Now that her cheeks are filling out, you can see her dimples!

Even though she's much smaller than her sisters, she is pretty darn strong. During tummy time she pushes herself up the farthest and was the first to figure out that she can extend an arm to reach toys when she pivots to one side. She stares at her hands, opens and closes them like they're the best thing since sliced bread, and has clearly figured out that they're useful appendages. Just yesterday she snagged a toy that her sisters were looking at and I thought, "Oh boy, here we go."

Nobody is aware of their feet yet. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before they realize they have feet and start chewing their toes. Tee hee.

Getting the giggles

The girls have been smiling and cooing for quite some time and every now and then we heard Ada giggle. Yesterday, suddenly, they all got the gigggles. What a delight to hear all 3 laughing out loud! It was more of a gasp-giggle sound, but I'll take it.

Now I know it's easy to entertain any baby with "tickle tickle," peekaboo, funny noises, face pulling and blowing raspberry games, but mine had been looking at me like I had two heads. Not that it deterred me (hee hee), but I was starting to wonder if our sense of humor gene had skipped a generation.

That's until yesterday. Close friends came over and their almost-teenage son helped to entertain the girls. It all started with a soft toy frog. He made, "doob de doob de doob" sounds as the frog slowly "jumped" toward their faces. They thought it was hilarious. Granted, the frog is pretty goofy looking with its tongue sticking out and it is one of their favorite toys, but something just clicked for them. Once they figured out they could laugh audibly, there was no stopping them.

Every game from that point on solicited chuckles and belly laughs. It is the most beautiful sound. Ever.

GGGs in dungarees - 5 months old

Bonding

This post has been brewing in my mind since the early days of infertility. I've often wondered how I would bond with my child(ren). Would it be an instantaneous feeling at some significant "safe" point during pregnancy, a progressive realization culminating in birth, or a combination of experiences and interactions prior to and post birth?

I felt an instant connection when I first saw 3 little flickers on the ultrasound. I knew they were my babies, but it didn't feel real for many many months. I went ahead with a CVS procedure to help ease my mind or help prepare me for a child (or children) with special needs. There was never any doubt that I loved these peanuts who were growing inside me. Even though I was thrilled, scared, intrigued and mesmerized by them on every ultrasound, it still felt strangely unreal. It just wasn't sinking in that I could actually have children - let alone three.live.babies.

I guess it was self-preservation in the event I miscarried one or all, sheer overwhelmedness at the prospect of raising triplets, and continued disbelief that I was fortunate enough to be pregnant at all.

Now that I'm on the other side of the birth, have had the life changing experience of meeting my children, and have had the benefit of a mere 5 months of perspective, I'm still not entirely sure. But somehow, in the past few weeks, I've felt more bonded to these babies than I did during the pregnancy, their birth and shortly thereafter.

Anyone who has had a C-Section can understand how robbed one feels after the birthing experience. If having children is one's singular focus for so many years, it's hard not to feel a little cheated by the way the actual birth happens. You are shielded from seeing your children's first breath, censored from the full experience. It is bizarre. After having carried them for so long, there is no moment of recognition, no skin-to-skin snuggle, no meet and greet. Just a frenetic, sterile OR with babies briskly whisked away by NICU staff.

You are left pondering the biggest moment in your life while being stitched up, sedated and unable to move. There is no post-birth bliss, no time to exhale and just breathe, no moment untainted with fear over their well being. I heard their cries in surround sound as they were born, and listened as it faded down the hallway when they were being wheeled to the NICU.

The NICU ritual is even more distancing. You sanitize your hands, cover your clothes, touch your babies through isolette port holes at designated times. It is regimented, structured, clinical... There is no privacy, nowhere to bond with your babies or flee when the fear and guilt at their premature birth and suffering overtake you.

It's no wonder then that our bonding has progressed slowly. With each glimpse of their personalities, each prolonged stretch-after-waking that resembles a slow thaw, each snuggle, each smile, each cry, their being is etched deeper onto my heart. I'm so in love with them. Even more profoundly, I am so fond of them.

I find myself staring at each of my babies in wordless wonderment, even when I'm exhausted beyond comprehension. I feel strangely empty when I'm away from them, like I'm missing an essential body part. I know I will never be whole again unless they are in my life.

They look at me knowingly, with the expectation that I will feed them, clean them, entertain them, ease their pain. Their cries are like shock waves of electricity to my soul, a visceral reaction requiring immediate attention.

They are barely five months old, but in this short period of time, they have made me a mother. Finally.

Strange encounters of the third kind

Today a year ago I took a home pregnancy test and well, the rest is history. I can hardly believe our babies are five months old already. As I was packing away their 0-3 month clothes, it just hit me how fast they're growing.

Ada is 16 lbs, Julia 12 and Emma 11. Ada is in size 3 diapers - rapidly approaching size 4 - and wearing 6-9 month clothes. Julia and Emma are wearing size 2 diapers and 3-6 month clothes.

Although their newborn phase is a blur of NICU visits, sleepless nights, refluxing and horror feedings, I'm sad that it has gone by as fast as it did. If infertility has taught me anything, it's to enjoy every moment, but I feel like I've barely blinked and they're almost halfway to toddlerhood.

Our time is even more precious now as I am planning to return to work. I don't know how on earth I'm going to manage it. I'm excited to be back at work, even just part time, as I love my job, the place where I work, and my colleagues. However, I'm filled with trepidation about the level of juggling it will entail. I don't want to be spread so thin that I'm both a bad mother and a bad employee. I guess time will tell. Perhaps being forced to lower my standards will be a good life lesson to learn. Gmph!

It's been a loooong winter of being cooped up and quarantined. I'm looking forward to getting out more often with the trio, and introducing the babies to the big, wide world. Fortunately, our cocooning efforts have paid off during the RSV season as we have managed to avoid illnesses so far.

In recent weeks, whenever the weather has allowed, we've been getting out of the house for walks using the Triple Decker stroller (we affectionately call it the "limo"). Today, as cars were driving by, I noticed how many people were rubbernecking. It was rather entertaining to watch drivers go, "What the hell was *that*?!" as they whip their heads around and then continue to stare from their rear view mirrors. I was afraid we were going to cause an accident.

Once we start heading out more frequently, I'm sure we'll get all sorts of "wonderful" questions and comments...

The girls received their last Synagis shots for the season today. Afterwards, to calm them down, we went for a stroll in a nearby park. There's no being inconspicuous with the "limo," but fortunately people were very friendly and respectful. I was braced for the stares and comments when a woman piped up from a minivan, "Excuse me! Are those triplets?!" I thought, "Ha! Here we go." I smiled politely and nodded affirmatively. She absolutely floored me when she responded with, "Because I have 5-year old triplets here in the car with me! Did you want to meet them?"

What are the chances of THAT happening on our first outing to a public park?! And so we met the most adorable, delightful, freckle-nosed 5-year old GGB trips who made me so excited for our future. We asked them who was born first, and they pointed to their sister. When I asked the little boy, he claimed he was the 2nd born, but then his other sister vehemently disputed that fact. It was so cute to watch them duke out their birth order.

They were with a friend of the family and therefore we didn't get to meet their parents, but hopefully they wouldn't mind being in touch with us.

All in all, a successful trip to the park was had by all.

Retrospective

Today, a year ago, I woke up in the depths of despair. The first self-pay cycle had failed and I just couldn't see us continuing to throw money down the drain for a shot at parenthood. I was lost, sad, angry, frustrated. I had spent months researching procedures, clinics and stats, reading forums and coming up with a plan, only for it to end in failure. Sure, my Endo surgery was successful and I had quality of life back, but still no baby.

I know one failed IVF/ICSI is nothing compared to what so many go through, yet I saw it as a sign that it would never work for us. I was thinking, "How do I pick up the pieces today only to be crushed by another failure a month or two from now?" What would be the point of torturing ourselves with failed cycle after failed cycle?

It all felt hopeless. I just couldn't see a way forward. My Dh wasn't keen on using donor sperm, even though he had relented. Adoption is too expensive, and our age would count against us. Yet I couldn't imagine my future without children in it.

I listened to a lot of Annie Lennox, specifically, "Songs of Mass Destruction" while my husband traveled internationally. The time alone was a blessing. I could lose myself in the despair without him witnessing the downward spiral. I could sob and feel sorry for myself without increasing his guilt. My days were spent trying to come to terms with our childless future while trying to keep it together at work.

The frozen lake near our house, the weeping willows surrounding it, and the stillness of late winter mirrored my state of mind. I was stuck in a perpetual winter.

Then my clinic offered to enroll us in a grant program. I couldn't believe we qualified to get a portion of the next IVF/ICSI cycle covered, but we did. The grant covered enough of the cycle to enable us to try one more time. Just one.more.time, with feeling. I was in a daze. Cycle #2 started just two days after the previous BFN. My husband was still out of the country. I just jumped in, blindly, as soon as my progestorone level normalized.

I was still numb when I went to buy the second cycle's meds. I didn't think it would work, but there was no other viable option on the road to parenthood. One foot in front of the other: inject Lupron and Gonal-F, ultrasound, repeat. I tried not to think too much, and just do.

And then I peed on a stick and was dumbstruck. I POAS again and again and again until there was no denying the second line. It was so early, I thought it was the trigger showing up, but then it got darker and darker instead of disappearing. Disbelief. Even after beta number one, two and three, I didn't dare hope that I could actually end up with a real, live, perfect baby of our own. The ultrasound showed three sacs, and later three heartbeats. Triplets.

It scared me. High risk. So many things could go wrong. The more I read about the risks, the more petrified I became.

Yet, here I am, with three real.live.healthy.babies. Despite the odds, despite my disbelief, despite the risks, despite preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome, despite their prematurity. I know I played roulette and won.

I'm incredibly thankful they made it, I made it, we made it. I know how rare it is to have a happy ending (or in our case, this happy beginning), to have this abundance, this instant family. I cherish my children. Always.

Although I do not wish a high risk pregnancy on anyone - and know of too many tragic outcomes - I do wish for everyone struggling with infertility to have the family they dream of.

Survival guide: things I couldn't live without

Expecting parents ask this question on Triplet Connection all the time. I hope this post helps parents-to-be, specifically those with multiples. When I was pregnant, I fashioned my own list of things to register for based on the information I found on blogs and forums, but I wished that someone could have done this legwork for me.

I'll be adding to this post as I think of more can't-live-without items.

TRIPLET MUST-HAVES

Triple Decker stroller. We use the Graco Safeseat infant carriers that click into the frame and it's worked very well to not load/unload 3 babies in and out of the car seats in cold weather.

3 Boppy pillows

3 Boppy covers

12+ Dr Brown's bottles (we bought the glass version and they've worked beautifully). We initially used Munchkin's glass bottles and love them too, but with 3 reflux babies, it was more important to switch to bottles with an internal vent. Read the post about glass bottles.

Bottle brush (we use Munchkin brand)

3 Munchkin drying racks

Crockpot or electric kettle to always have hot water on hand to warm bottles

24+ burp cloths. A friend bought more than two dozen "old style" cloth diapers for us to use as burp cloths since they're more absorbent than the commercially available muslin burp cloths. They're like hand towels, but square, and work beautifully. We go through *all* of them! It's handy to have enough to not do laundry every day, and to keep 3 in a diaper bag. We always have a clean one on the changing pad as an easily removable "cover" in the event that a baby pees while we're in the midst of a diaper change. It prevents urine from reaching their clothes in an "accident."

Bibs. We go through dozens of bibs with our refluxers. I like the Koala Baby bibs from Babies R Us as they're more absorbent than others we've tried.

3 Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe Blankets. I've heard good things about Miracle Blankets too. Alternatively, buy any 60x60 blanket large enough to swaddle securely. At 4 months, we do not swaddle the babies for naps and nighttime sleeping anymore, but it still works wonders when they're fussy. I know of many parents who swaddle their babies until 9+ months of age.

Swing(s). We have 3, but have only used 2. You could get away with 1.

Baby Björn or Moby Wrap. We have 3 Baby Björns, but only use 1.

3 Bouncy seats. We have used all 3, all the time, from the time that they could hold their heads up.

3 Cribs. Initially, you could get away with 1, or a Pack 'n Play. Our babies have slept in separate cribs at night from day 1, but we had them co-sleep in one crib for naps until they were about 3 months actual.

3 Bumbo seats. Our babies will start using these in the next few weeks. We've tried them, but at 4 months (2 months adjusted), the babies still tire easily.

Playmat(s). Get different mats with different toys to prevent them from getting bored.

Crib sheets. We have 6, but I'm going to buy more. We have crib sheet savers, but haven't used them yet.

Sleep & play suits with zippers. One caveat, these won't work if your babies come home on monitors. Fortunately, ours didn't use monitors and LIVE in these outfits. It's faster for diaper changes, especially the middle-of-the-night ones. Refluxing babies hate wearing anything with a waist band, so even though they have tons of cute outfits, they hardly get to wear them. Constantly chasing down 6 little socks gets old fast too.

Gripe water. This has made a HUGE difference. Even though the babies are on prescription meds for reflux, I see a marked difference every time I stop giving them gripe water.

PUMPING

Hospital-grade breast pump. I've used Medela Pump in Style Advanced (portable) and Medela Symphony (at the NICU) and both are very efficient. Unfortunately, my first Medela PISA broke after a month, which is the absolute worst fear of anyone who is exclusively pumping. Fortunately, Medela has terrific customer service and replaced it immediately by overnighting it to me. No problems since.

3 sets of breast shields so you don't have to wash pumping parts in the middle of the night. Many moms just rinse them and place them in a container in the fridge and wash them once daily. I prefer to wash them after each use, but that's just me. Having 3 sets allows me to toss them in the hot, soapy water after use and deal with washing them when the babies are napping.

Extra 8 oz Medela collection bottles (you could use a different brand too; anything with a standard opening fits on the Medela equipment). Glass is too heavy, though, but the glass bottles do fit if you've run out of clean collection bottles!

Hands-free pumping bra. You can buy one, or create one yourself by cutting holes in an old sports bra.

On a roll!

Our little "middle" monkey is on a roll. This morning, Julia flipped herself from stomach to back. We didn't witness this incredible milestone, but I placed her on her stomach, changed her sister's diaper and when I returned, she was lying on her back with her head against the crib railing. So either she flipped herself over, or the aliens surreptitiously took her for a spin in their UFO.

**Edited on March 14 to add**
Our littlest pixie rolled over yesterday. She is one strong little peanut despite being way lighter than her sisters. She has struggled the most with reflux, and is lagging in weight, length and head circumference, but hit this milestone on her 3 month adjusted age "birthday." Not too shabby, my itty bitty baby. Emma is such a cutie - she's our very talkative, friendly, happy baby. Whenever she gets overtired or fed up with the reflux, she makes these babbling moaning sounds. Not crying, not grating on the soul, just a sad moan moan moan that sounds like "auwa auwa auwa." It melts my heart and makes we want to just rescue her and hold her tight.

We're still waiting for our beautiful firstborn chunky monkey to surprise us!

Sleep glorious sleep

Our little Ada slept 7 hours straight last night, from 11 to 7. Oh, the joy. She fusses and gives her colicky cry for a few hours before she goes to bed, but once she's asleep, it's bliss!

I'm feeling indescribably excited and hopeful about longer sleep cycles in our near future. These past few months have been wonderful, but the sleep deprivation is a doozy. It impairs my ability to function and steals the joy of interacting with them. Having my energy and zest back would be lovely.

Now if we can only get Ms Ada to repeat this feat - sans the 4 hours of crying that precedes the sleeping - and get the other two peanuts to follow suit, we'll be the happiest parents in the whole wide world. We're close. I can feel it.

It all began a few weeks ago when I noticed they weren't all that hungry when I was trying to feed them at night. They'd dreamfeed and each drink about half of their bottle, but weren't interested in more. I didn't force the issue, hoping they were starting to wean themselves of the 2 am feed and knowing that ultimately we'd want them to go without eating at night.

The next step was letting them go (sort of) "on demand" at night. Instead of waking the first one after 3 hours, we'd wait until one woke up and then feed them all. We noticed it was always Julia waking up first. It seemed Emma and Ada would sleep longer if we let them. Here's the rub, though. If you have triplets, you don't want to be up every single hour through the night feeding a baby, so it's a tricky scenario knowing when to let them go.

To figure out what kind of stretch each baby was capable of sleeping, I stayed up the first part of one night (11-2) and Dh the second part (2-5). Turns out, Emma and Julia could go 4 hours, and Ada 5 hours. Armed with this knowledge, we feed them all at 11 pm, then expect Julia and Emma to wake around 3 am. We let Ada sleep from 11 am until she wakes up, which was 4 am two nights ago, 5 am yesterday and 6 am today! She's definitely making huge progress. It will probably be another few weeks before Emma and Julia are able to go longer - they have some catching up to do weight-wise.

Here are a few tips I think have helped us:

- We've been actively waking them up at the same time every morning, regardless of what happens during the night.

- They're at the point now where they don't cry for food the minute they wake up, so it's starting to be possible to wake them simultaneously and get them situated in bouncy seats, boppy pillows, swings, etc. and then feed them one by one.

- We keep them on a 3-hour schedule during the day, and encourage them to eat as much as possible. Ultimately, we'll try to add in any ounces they "miss" during the night to their day feeds.

- I've noticed that they want to eat less in the morning (8-11 am), and then slowly eat more per feed as the day progresses. They are *hungry* when the sun goes down. Sometimes it feels like I'm feeding them all every 90 minutes from 5-9 pm, but I guess it's because they're gearing up to sleep through the night. Since they're struggling with reflux, eating large amounts at a time is still challenging for them.

- We dreamfeed them for all of their night feeds - from 8 pm to 8 am.

- The lights are kept very low at night (we can barely see!) This goes for the living room where we feed them, the bathroom where we change them, and their bedroom.

- We keep them snuggled in a blanket during their feed and "handle" them as little as possible. I hold them and burp them, but do a gentler version at night.

- We don't talk to them when it's "sleep" time. I whisper a few words when I pick them up and lay them down, but not in an excited tone of voice.

- We change diapers at 11 pm, but not during the wee hours of the night (unless there's a little stinker!) My dh has installed a small LED nightlight in the bathroom. It emits just enough light to change a diaper without waking them up.

- At night, we change diapers before feeding them. That way, they can fall asleep after the diaper change, during/after eating without being disturbed again. Works like a charm!

If you have more tips on how to get us a good night's sleep, please delurk to leave a comment.

Almost four months

The girls are doing beautifully. The joy and rewards have increased a million fold these past few weeks. They are now interacting with us on a consistent basis. They recognize us. I don't know why this surprises me so much, but they KNOW me.

I know they know me, and have known they would know me from the moment I fell pregnant, but it is different to see the recognition in their facial expressions. I never knew I had the power to make another human being light up the way they do when I walk in the room. It is humbling and joyful. It makes me feel like a mom, complete with that overwhelming sense of responsibility. Their vulnerability, and the expectation in their expressions, are simultaneously wonderful and terrifying.

These first few months with preemie triplets, who are all refluxing and colicky, have been much harder than I anticipated. The hardest part is not having the quality time with each of my children that I had dreamed about. Every snuggle with one means two others are missing out. I take turns to chat with each, to play with each, to feed and cuddle each of my babies, but it is always interrupted by another baby who is crying louder or needs me more. I relish the "stolen" moments when two are asleep and I can cuddle just one at a time. Of course, these moments also come at a cost, because we're trying to keep them on a schedule to save our sanity.

Much of our time is spent trying to feed them. They're growing nicely - to the tune of 12, 10 and 9 pounds each. Despite being in the midst of reflux hell, sleep deprivation, and the continuous "feed-cry-burp-cry-diaper-cry-sleep-cry" repeat cycle, the monotony is suddenly interspersed with these goofy, nose-creasing, gummy smiles that make my heart bounce. Their smiles are like booster shots of joy and energy for my depleted shell of a body. I continue to express more than 2 liters of milk a day (~66 oz) and although it's been exhausting to keep up the pumping schedule, I know this is what's best for them.

I laugh out loud with them dozens of times a day because they're so precious and they know it. They coo and make gargly baby noises, kick excitedly and slap at their dangling toys. We've even heard an audible giggle from Ada (Baby A). Our "firstborn" is the most high maintenance and demanding. Everything is high intensity with her. Her cries are blood curdling - like a smoke alarm you simply can't ignore - and her smiles are disarmingly sweet. She's my little firecracker, blazing through the night until 2 am when she finally collapses and then sleeps so soundly that I keep wanting to ask her, "Now was that really so hard, munchkin?" A few nights now, she has slept five hours straight. She's on the cusp of actually sleeping through the night, which fills me with tremendous hope.

Julia (Baby B) is the strongest physically. Although they are all holding their heads up, pushing up and turning their heads from side to side during tummy time, she is able to push herself up further and hold the position much longer than her sisters. She pushes herself up and then looks from side to side to see what's happening in the world. She is the most inquisitive baby and loves to spin the globe on her swing and play with the toys dangling from her bouncy seat. She often looks at me with this quizzical expression, as if she's asking me about what she's seeing. When I tell her about the world around her, she beams and coos. If my kids' personalities could be pinpointed on a pendulum, I'd say Ada is the one extreme, Emma the other, and Julia is somewhere in the middle.

Emma (Baby C) is such a relaxed, contented, quiet baby even though she struggles the most with reflux. She flashes her smile at me more frequently than her sisters and is always watching what we're up to. She is very observant. The smart money says she will check out how her sisters attempt new things and stumble their way through it and then she'll jump in and get it "right" the first time. She's my little pixie, but she amazes me with her strength.

They are all scooting around their cribs these days like little inchworms. Gone are the days that we could put them down in one crib for their short naps. It's hard to believe they're four months old this week.

Oh, the joy

I woke up this morning (yes, I get to sleep! sometimes!) to this thrilling news from Kate, tucked away in her award post. My heart is singing with joy for her and I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

3 Months

As I write this, the 3 little munchkins are lying in a half circle around me, cocooned in their swaddle blankets, secure in their Boppy pillows on my bed. It suddenly struck me that I should probably soak up this scene. I don't know how much longer they'll be content to be tightly swaddled, and safely stay where I put them.

Our swaddling days might be numbered given that our "oldest" - Ms Houdini - is already breaking out of her swaddle on a nightly basis. We routinely find her with both her arms stretched out above her head. Emma and Julia still flail and wake themselves up when we leave them unswaddled during a nap. They all fight when we swaddle them, but relax shortly after and sleep much more soundly when swaddled.

For the next hour or so, all will be calm in our household. And then, if I'm lucky, they will start to wriggle, squawk and grunt, fuss and fart, one by one. I've learned to stay ahead of the game by blissfully dreamfeeding them at night without as much as an eyelid flutter. If I'm unlucky, they'll all wake long before feeding time, and all at once - without warning - screaming in deafening surround sound that leaves me feeling as if I've just exited a rock concert, but without the feeling of elation.

My dh and I take care of them in shifts. Usually, I take the first half of the night while he sleeps, and then we switch. Caring for three infants with reflux often leaves me wishing I was an octopus. Even though I've learned to burp a baby on my lap while feeding another and praying for the third to not wake up yet, or to feed two who are lying down in their boppies and rock another, I inevitably need to "juggle" babies to get them all fed and settled, and always end up feeling like someone is getting the short end of the stick. It's hard to deal with these feelings of mothering inadequacy.

It's entirely manageable and joyful some days, and entirely, gutwrenchingly unmanageable and overwhelming on other days. If it wasn't for infertility and wanting these babies so badly and loving them as much as I do, I don't think I would have been able to find the joy in the little moments to the extent that I am. For that I am grateful as I know this too shall pass. Too quickly. Already, I've packed away the preemie and newborn clothes. Ada is leading the pack as she is outgrowing the 0-3 month clothes. She has moved on to size 2 diapers, but Julia and Emma are still in size 1. Yay girls.

I marvel at their development. Some days it all goes by way too fast, in a blur. In just these few short weeks, I have watched them become more alert. They are awake more frequently and their attention spans are lengthening. They have learned to hold their heads up and in recent days when we hold them upright, they have started to stiffen their legs and push back as if to jump. They now kick when they get excited (when their dad comes home from work) and we are seeing more deliberate smiles and facial expressions in reaction to our cues and hearing more coos and gagaga baby "talk." They are interacting with us, and it is the most amazing feeling to elicit a smile from one's baby.

Today, we had them facing one another in their bouncy seats and it was such a cool thing to watch their feet connect as they were softly "kicking" one another. They were definitely aiming and not just kicking randomly. I love that they're aware of one another.

Even though they sleep in separate cribs, I put them down in one crib every now and then for a nap. Julia was asleep when I placed her in the crib, but when her sister Emma, who was awake, joined her, Julia surfaced and just stared at her. They were quietly studying one another's faces when Ada joined the party. It was fun to watch Emma's head do a 180 degree so she could look at Ada. I imagine what they must be thinking.

They are tracking objects and us in a more focused manner than just last week. When they're laying in their boppy pillows on the couch and somebody walks by, their heads whip in that direction and their gaze follows whoever walked by. It's pretty cool. When I ask, "Where's grandma?" or "Where's daddy?" their eyes find the right person. I'm just amazed by them... daily... despite the exhaustion.

Reflux sux x 3

My poor babies have all been diagnosed with GERD and it's been a rather frustrating ride. Feeding time is supposed to be happy bonding time and instead it's turned into a torturous scream fest interspersed with episodes of projectile vomiting. Our living room is spitup central. Feeding time these days is painful for everyone involved.

Initially, the spitup was so bad it would frequently spurt out of the girls' nostrils, causing them to choke. We had a bulb syringe in every room and knew where it was at all times. Fortunately, they have never stopped breathing during one of these episodes, but it made my heart stop every time.

Now that they're a bit older, they "just" arch their back, gag, push the bottle out of their mouth with their tongue, turn their head from side to side to get rid of the bottle, or simply try to slap it away with their hands. They take about 50 ml of their bottle without too much protest and then the "fun" starts. One girl is hoarse and the others make these awful gargling sounds during and after feeds, like they're drowning in the breast milk. An hour or so after feeding, it looks like they're chewing on something. I feel so sorry for them.

It took me a while to figure out that they hated diaper changes not because of the diaper changing itself, but because they're laying flat.

They've all been on Za.ntac, but I suspect they'll need to move on to Pre.vacid soon since the Z.anta.c isn't helping as much as I had hoped. During the night, we're able to dreamfeed them and it's bliss. No choking, gagging or them fighting the bottle... and they drink a good amount.

We are feeding them an ounce or so at a time, burping them well between each ounce, and keeping them upright for at least 45 minutes after each feed. I've started feeding them smaller amounts more frequently, but with triplets that means there's absolutely no time between feeds. The girls are spending quite a bit of time in our arms, in their boppy pillows, swings and bouncy seats. Anything to keep them upright. Even though it's exhausting to the adults, it has helped the babies be more comfortable, so it's been worth it.

What has worked for us, is to lay them on their tummies across our legs to burp them. Babies with GERD love to be on their tummies and whenever I can keep an eye on them, I lay them down on their tummies next to me. It's amazing what a difference tummy time makes to a cranky reflux baby. I'm paranoid about SIDS, so I only put them down on their stomachs when I can watch them like a hawk.

If anyone has more tips on what we can try, please leave a comment.