It was as I suspected all along: a Big Fat Negative. I'm all cried out now, which, I guess, is a decent place to be given the circumstances.
Thank you for your incredibly supportive comments. It helped me cope, just knowing you truly understand. Thank you for not judging me or telling me to snap out of it.
Thank you for not spewing platitudes like my IRL friends:
- "The time is just not right."
- "It was not meant to be."
- "God must have a different plan for you."
- "You can't lose hope now! You've only tried once!"
Thank you for offering to cry with me. Thank you for being sad, angry and frustrated on my behalf. Thank you for caring enough to leave comments. Each and every comment resonated with me, and was appreciated. I came back and re-read them a few times, but didn't feel up to posting until tonight.
The IF community is incredible. Because of your support, and the triumphs of those of you who are/were in the trenches with us, I feel like I may just be able to muster the courage to try and kick infertility's butt.
So, here I am 9dp5dt, trying to get myself out of this funk by counting my cycle blessings, and finding the silver lining:
- My FSH/E2 is <10.
- The flare protocol worked well.
- I stimmed better than we expected, and didn't get OHSS.
- My lining was normal
- The cycle didn't get cancelled
- ER was much easier than anticipated. Bonus: no nausea, very little pain.
- There were more eggs retrieved than the number of follies I thought I had
- The urologist found sperm!!!
- We spent $700 on PESA instead of $4,000-$10,000 on MESA
- 8/13 eggs fertilized.
- We had 7 growing embryos (not good quality, but not a bad number).
- Transfer itself was a non-event on the pain scale.
- We have one embaby on ice.
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