Bleeding can't be good - 6dp5dt

It started 3dp5dt. At first, I was hopeful that the spotting was implantation bleeding. I was happily headachy, nauseaus, and crampy. And then the bleeding started with a vengeance. Now, after 3 days of non-stop heavy bleeding, I'm convinced it's my period. My hCG beta is Monday, 9dp5dt, so I have a weekend of pure torture ahead.

Dh is out of the country, and I can honestly say that I'm a mess. I spent yesterday in endless hopeless crying fits, and finally decided I needed to do something productive. So I gave myself a pep talk, got the vacuum cleaner and cleaned the house. I'll confess to ramming it into a few walls on purpose, just to take the edge off my anger and frustration. It didn't help one iota.

So there I was, on all fours, vacuuming underneath a cabinet, when the anger suddenly made room for the rawest sadness I've ever felt. I just lost it. I was in the fetal position on the floor, bawling, with the vacuum cleaner still in my hand. Ugly crying, the kind where your face contorts, and you can't catch your breath in time for the next sob.

I really don't know how to pick myself up from this dark place to try again. How do you do it? Where do I begin? I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to be devastated again and again.

These past few days I've felt as if I'm living someone else's life. This can not be happening to me. It was not supposed to end this way.