11w4d - Second perinatologist visit

We had a check-up at my perinatologist 48 hours after the CVS test to see how the trio is doing. The (awesome!) u/s tech did a quick check to establish that all three hearts were still beating (phew!), before listening and measuring each heartbeat individually. She reassured us immediately. I love medical professionals who understand the worry and anxiety, and who do everything in their power to minimize it.

We were too stressed on Wednesday (before the CVS test) to really enjoy the u/s experience and we were grateful to the u/s tech for taking her time on Friday. She pointed out teeny tiny fingers and toes, umbilical cords and other details. We saw our one little baby lying with arms crossed in front of his/her forehead and another lying in what looked like a very chilled position - with the little feet crossed like he/she was on a beach vacation or something! At one point, one of the babies "waved" at us. The little right arm came up and the hand was literally waving. We were mesmerized.

They were bouncing around at times too. I can't get over how fast they spin around and make somersaults. We are expecting fraternal triplets (triamniotic, trichorionic), but since week 5, two of the babies have consistently appeared to be very similar in position, gestational sac size, and with their other measurements. Yesterday, these two, now named Baby A and Baby B, were lying the exact same way.

The tech said she's never seen that before in a triamniotic, trichorionic pregnancy. It is uncanny. She printed an u/s picture for us - which I will scan and post at some point. It reminded me of another tech who commented that it looked like we were having twins and a singleton, even though we all knew at that point that they were from three different eggs and sperm.

I'd like to look back two weeks from now and know if these two kids are the same gender, and years from now, know if they share more facial features and personality traits... and whether Baby C will be the more independent one.

I love how each ultrasound brings us closer to our babies and bonds us with them. Our third perinatologist visit is in three weeks. It's amazing to think we'll know their genders then. Can't wait!

11w2d - The CVS test experience - not for the fainthearted

The detailed ultrasound scan prior to the CVS test was incredible. We saw all three of them doing acrobatics in utero for the very first time. I always thought that they would move in slow motion through the amniotic fluid, but boy, were they bouncing fast! I promise, I haven't had any caffeine...

The last time we saw them (at 8 weeks), we could see a distinct head and body with limb buds, but no other distinguishable features. This time around, we could see noses, ears, fingers, and toes. Just amazing. My Dh must have whispered, "Wow!" a thousand times. We are in awe.

Here are the (beautiful) vital stats:

Baby A: 4.98 cm, heartbeat: 161 bpm, nuchal fold: 0.007
Baby B: 4.85 cm, heartbeat: 165 bpm, nuchal fold: 0.183
Baby C: 4.74 cm, heartbeat: 165 bpm, nuchal fold: 0.115

Thank you all for your encouraging words about the CVS test. The chorionic villus sampling test is more complex in a triplet pregnancy as the perinatologists obviously need a clear path to access each baby.

If you're having a CVS procedure for a singleton or twins, then there's very little to be concerned about. Like with everything, it's more complex with triplets. We had the u/s technician, and two perinatologists present. The two peris analysed each baby's position on the u/s and worked together in determining the safest route to take for each. Sometimes they can access all three trans-cervically, sometimes all three trans-abdominally, and sometimes they have to use both approaches.

I never luck out in the odds department, so of course they had to use both with me.

They accessed Baby A's placenta through my cervix first, and it was a breeze. I felt no pain whatsoever. It took a little longer than an embryo transfer, but the discomfort was from the spe.culum and my full bladder. I couldn't feel the catheter being threaded through my cervix, or the needle accessing the chorionic villi.

They then had me empty my bladder (phew!) so that they had a better chance of reaching the other two babies.

They accessed Baby B's placenta through my abdomen (no anesthetic, not even topical). The setup for each baby takes about 10-15 minutes as they reconfirm the position of each baby, and plan the best path for the needle. It was quite painful as they have to maneuver the (very long!) needle all the way in, and then move it up and down at least 3 times to get enough of a sample. Baby B's actual procedure was over in about two minutes. If it had gone any longer, I would've bit through my lip.

And then the torture started. They uhmmmed and aahed about how best to access Baby C's placenta. I should've known that this meant trouble. They finally found a safe path, but was nervous that the needle wouldn't be long enough to complete the up-and-down motion to get the sample. (Deep breath.) Some more discussion ensued before they went in. Once the needle went in, there was a long period with lots of incredibly painful maneuvering.

It felt like an eternity. I squeezed my husband's hand to kingdom come while trying to find my happy place as the pain just intensified with each needle movement. I honestly thought it would never end. The nausea crept in, and well, what you don't want to do is throw up with an eight inch needle inside you. And then - thankfully - it was all over. The relief is indescribable. They had me turn on my left side to get the nausea to subside.

After each procedure, the perinatologist uses the syringe to inject the sample into a petri dish, and then they analyse each sample to determine whether they have a sufficient amount of chorionic villi to culture.

The peri who came back to report said they have an excellent sample from Baby A, a great sample from Baby B, and an adequate sample from Baby C. Thank goodness for small miracles, because I sure as hell am not going back for more torture.

It will take the full 14 days to get the results back, so now we wait. Aaah, more waiting! After IVF, we should be good at this, right? Not.

11w0d - CVS test this week

We've decided to have a Chorionic Villus Sampling test performed this week to check all three babies for chromosomal abnormalities. Since I'm over 35, we would like to know what we're up against.

Although I'm not looking forward to the test at all and I'm nervous about the miscarriage risk, I can't wait to see the babies again. We hope to see them wiggle around on the u/s. Since we last saw them at 8 weeks, they have now almost doubled in size, have elbows and knees, and have developed distinct fingers and toes. In fact, there should be 30 fingers and 30 toes now - no wonder I'm so exhausted!

Aside from receiving the chromosomal analysis results, the upside of this test is that we'll know the gender of all 3 babies in 7-10 days. Given the abundant blessing we've received, I know I'm in no position to ask the universe for any more favors, but having a boy/girl mix would be an absolute dream come true.

How we spilled the beans

A while back, one of my IRL friends asked if/how we've told my parents the big news. Before I tell you the story, you need to know that in yet another strange twist of fate, my due date falls EXACTLY on my birthday.

This is just one of many, many signals we couldn't avoid picking up on. Of course, since we're expecting triplets, they will obviously arrive long before my birthday.

So here's how we spilled the beans at five weeks (yes, major leap of faith required): I called my mom, who lives about 12,000 miles away, and chatted with her for a little bit. You know, to make things seem like our "normal" weekly calls. I had her on speaker phone so Dh could listen in, then I said, "Now mom, do you realize that 36 years ago this week - EXACTLY - you found out you were pregnant with me?"

She had no clue where I was going with this, but she thought about it, did the math and then agreed. And then I said, "It seems history will be repeating itself..." There was a stunned silence before she realized what I was saying and then a whole lot of happy, excited, tearful laughter interspersed with, "Really? You're not kidding? But it can't be. Did you do another round of IVF?" She knew about the first failed IVF, but not that we attempted another cycle back-to-back.

By this time, she was telling my dad to pick up the other phone in their house. He had been outside and didn't hear the earlier conversation, so we got to do the same thing all over again - this time with my mom listening to my dad's stunned reaction. What fun.

A week later, we called them again and said it looks like we're having triplets. It was around April 1 and my mom thought we were playing an April Fool's joke on her. She just wouldn't believe it. She must have asked me about ten times whether I was joking before she finally relented and congratulated us.

9w6d - Elegy for PIO

Tomorrow we reach another significant milestone: the last PIO injection, and hopefully also my last infertility-related injection ever.

My refrigerator is still full of leftover Gonal-F pens, which I will donate to my clinic as soon as I pass the 13 week mark. Some part of me still doesn't quite believe that this will all work out. I guess that's just how it is when you're an infertile. You can never quite settle into it and enjoy the ride. I keep saying I'll believe it worked when I hold my babies in my arms.

My infertility clinic's discharge instructions said to stop PIO on May 18 (10 wks) and the pro.metrium by 12 weeks. Dh and I have been counting the days to the end of the progesterone in oil injections. We have never been so relieved to say goodbye to anything in our lives. Especially after what happened on Thursday. If you're squemish, stop reading now. You've been warned.

We've done more than 50 of these injections - and considered ourselves "experienced." Ha ha, you know a curve ball is coming. The unexpected happened. The needle kinda burned on the way in which happens from time to time, Dh pulled back on the plunger, there was no blood, so he bravely proceeded to inject the PIO. When he pulled the needle out, the blood didn't trickle, pour or gush out, but squirted and splattered EVERYWHERE. I guess he must have hit a vein on the way in, the needle plugged the hole while he was injecting, and when he pulled it out, well, the dam wall burst.

I was oblivious for a few seconds, because I don't have eyes behind my head (yet! that will surely happen when I become a mom of toddler triplets). In those seconds before I could put my hand on the spot, the blood sprayed all over him, all over the vanity, and all over the floor. It looked like a freaking massacre. It was all I could do not to picture a CSI team with a UV light inspecting the scene and wondering who had met an untimely death.

I started laughing.

Dh was clearly traumatized by it all, but totally keeping his cool. He grabbed paper towels and started wiping everything down, while I stood there still laughing my a$$ off because I couldn't believe the massive mess. It just wouldn't stop bleeding, despite my best efforts.

I grabbed some toilet paper, put pressure on it, but nothing worked. I decided to go down on all fours, hiney in the air, in an attempt to put an end to the craziness while Dh tried his best to stay a step ahead by wiping it all up. The blood flow eased, but by then our puppy pushed the bathroom door open to see what the commotion and excitement was all about. That pushed Dh over the edge and I had to swallow the rest of my giggles while pushing the dog out.

Oh my gosh, what we wouldn't go through to have children. The insanity of it all just never escapes me. In those moments, I always think: fertiles have no clue what we go through in pursuit of a family.

So, here's to you, PIO. Thanks for the memories, the bruises and the lumpy butt syndrome, but we're so done. I'm over you. Bye bye. And good riddance.

8w4d - First perinatologist visit

We had a 3-hour consult at the perinatologist. First, a nurse checked my weight (eek!) and blood pressure (low, as always), and then we had an opportunity to see our babies on the ultrasound. Aside from my bladder almost exploding, it was a wonderful experience. Imagine my surprise when the u/s tech had me lie down with *all* my clothes on. Abdominal ultrasound - what a concept!

The three little peanuts are all growing strong and still measuring exactly on target. Even though they are each in their own sac, two of them seem to be very close in proximity in my uterus, gestational age, heart rate, etc. Since the week 5 ultrasound when we only saw the sacs it almost looked like twins and a singleton. On every u/s since then, the two heartbeats and gestational ages have matched exactly, with the one little bean a day ahead, in a slightly larger sac (nothing to be concerned about, according to the doctor). Their CRL is about 2 cm now. The u/s tech said it out loud, "It almost looks like you're having twins and a singleton." My thoughts exactly. I'm wondering if the two little ones that are so consistently matching are one gender. I like to think that the big one is a little boy, and that the other two are little girls.

Oh, I love my new OB! She's a perinatologist (a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist) who has tons of experience with multiples and other high-risk pregnancy experience. She also specializes in prenatal and postpartum mood disorders which are more common among moms of multiples.

She is about my age (mid-thirties), completed her specialty in NYC, and is very level-headed. I liked her candid and realistic, but also optimistic approach. Best of all: she is pregnant herself and due this summer so she certainly "gets" it. :) Her colleague(s) at the perinatology center will take over my care for the 12 weeks that she is on maternity leave, but she will be back by the time my delivery approaches.

Oh, and she said "You're young, healthy, slim..." (Did I mention I LOVE her?!) "...and you should have a really good outcome." The average triplet age at delivery is around 31 weeks. She is more inclined to have me go on disability earlier "no work/modified bedrest" rather than strict/hospital bedrest (unless complications occur).

She said the latest research shows that cerclages aren't always successful in preventing preterm labor with triplets, that I should aim to gain between 50-76 lbs (gulp!) and to just take it easy. I may not see her for every visit unless I experience complications, as they try their best to "normalize" triplet pregnancies, so I may see their nurse midwives, who are used to dealing with multiples, in between. I'm looking forward to things feeling "normal" for a change - and less medical. It's also reassuring to know the high-risk care is there if I need it.

In the waiting room, we met a mom with a 7-day old newborn who had a high-risk pregnancy. She shared her labor experience and impression of the hospital's L&D unit where I will deliver. It was a really positive, firsthand account and helped ease my mind about the personalized care they offer.

She said the nurses were amazing and she had the same nurse care for both her and her infant. Even though her son was in the NICU for awhile, when he was released from the level 3 NICU, he could stay with her in her room for as long as she wanted. If she wanted to sleep at night, they would take him, but it was on her terms. The food was great, and they have wi-fi. Yay, all my questions were answered in one afternoon. I was exhausted - and famished! - after the long visit, and fell asleep in the car on way home. Blissfully happy.

7w4d ultrasound: it's all good

I started bleeding the night before the ultrasound and was nervous that something had gone horribly wrong with the triplets. We waited longer than usual in the waiting room. Torture. The nurse eventually called me in for the blood pressure check.

I undressed for the u/s, as instructed, only to be told 10 minutes later that they'd prefer to see me in the room with the newer ultrasound equipment. So I happily dressed, moved to the other room, and waited another 30 minutes. By that time, I had to use the bathroom. So I got dressed again, went to the bathroom, and undressed again. Hopefully three time's a charm!

Finally... the Nurse Practitioner came in to do the u/s. For the first time ever, we saw all three embryos on the screen simultaneously. "Family photo!" the NP said. I could see all three heartbeats clearly flickering on the screen and the relief was instantaneous.

All three are indeed doing great. She isolated each baby's heartbeat so we could hear them individually. Strong heartbeats: two at 162, and one at 165 bpm. It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

They are all measuring exactly on target. Their Crown Rump Lengths (CRL) are 1.52, 1.42, and 1.38 centimeters, perfect for their gestational age. We are so relieved and excited to know they're all doing well so far.

We graduated and when my RE came into the examination room to bid us a fond farewell, he had his palms together, his head bowed, a sheepish expression on his face and then said, "Guys, please forgive me!!" It was so funny. My RE is one of the most compassionate people I know, and I will surely miss his professionalism, optimism, and sense of humor.

Thank you all for your beautiful, supportive, encouraging, and funny comments. They make me proud to be a part of this amazing, caring community.

Pregnancy symptoms: fast and furious, to the 3rd degree

I had an "oh my gosh, this is real" moment this morning. It was 4:30 and I woke up from the nausea. My stomach was growling. So there I was, making oatmeal and practically inhaling it to get it into my stomach before I throw up. It hit me: I'm so very, incredibly, joyously pregnant.

Two nights ago, dinner consisted of pickled Harvard beets and avocado. Not quite pickles and ice cream, but equally bizarre. It was beyond delicious. You should try it. Really.

My body has been hijacked by three little peanuts who are already ruling my life. (Yes, I know, I should get used to it!)

They tell me:
- when to eat (now!)
- what to eat (fruit & veg only, thank you very much)
- what not to eat (no.red.meat. that's an order. don't even look at it!)
- when to sleep (now!)
- how much to sleep (all the time)
- when to drink water (now!)
- how much water to drink (all.the.time except when it makes me nauseous, which is all the time too)
- what not to smell (dog food, smoke, food cooking, perfume, deodorant, cleaning solutions.)

I'm a carnivore, but the thought of coming near red meat makes my stomach churn now. I've been sticking to chicken, but that routine is getting old fast. I'm a self-admitted chocoholic, but it seems suddenly toxic.

Oh, what a strange trip this is.

6w5d with triplets... Houston, we have heartbeats!

Today's long-awaited ultrasound was a sight to behold. For a realistic infertile, seeing the heartbeats is like the holy grail of realization. This is the moment it all becomes real.

I've read that a baby's heart starts beating around the 20th day after conception, but that usually only becomes visible on va.ginal u/s during the 6th week.

We purposefully scheduled the heartbeat u/s for late in the 6th week, to have the best possible chance of seeing all three heartbeats.

A young but experienced Nurse Practitioner performed the scan. She saw the first heartbeat instantly and didn't hold out on us. (Pointing to a flickering on the grainy black and white image:) There is the baby's heartbeat right there.

She moved the wand to position it so we could see our second baby. "I definitely see the second heartbeat. There."

Then it took some careful scanning to look at baby number 3, who is significantly smaller. "I see the yolk sac and a fetal pole, but no heartbeat... yet." It may not continue to develop, or we might see it next week." I was calm, because I had a feeling that baby 3 is okay, but just a little slower.

She scanned upwards to take another look at the first two and measure them. Then she went back to baby number 3 and there it was. "Oh look! Now I see the heartbeat on baby number 3."

Tears stream down my face. Relief. Hubby grins from ear to ear and squeezes my hand tightly. After all the waiting, this right here is the most amazing, life-changing moment. Three heartbeats. Three live babies. All doing fine so far. How can anyone be so blessed after infertility?

I feel guilty for feeling such overwhelming joy in the face of all my friends who are still in the trenches, fighting Endo, unexplained fertility, male factor, etc. etc. I want a happy ending for everyone.

Triplets... it's starting to sink in

Thanks, everyone, for your kind, funny, shocked, and excited messages. All the "holy mackerels" and "holy cows" captures how we feel too!

Dh and I have been reading, talking, laughing, and contemplating. We're trying to absorb the unabsorbable news. How do you feed, change and care for three preemie infants? How do you raise three kids? I'm already wishing I had a 3rd b**b, and another arm!

Our thoughts inevitably jump to the future. We think about a week from now "Will we see three strong heartbeats?" to a few months from now, "How premature will they be born and will they survive or have lifelong disabilities?" to a few years from now, "How amazing would it be to take them places and do fun family stuff?" We imagine their sibling dynamic and interactions, and dream about whether we're expecting boys, girls or a "mixed bag." My prediction: 2 boys and a girl. We are excited, amazed, and scared. Is it too much to ask to have three healthy kids? Our primary emotion is one of realistic optimism and excitement, but I know triplet pregnancies are high risk, and do not always have a good outcome.

We've begun to frequent triplet blogs, triplet forums, and other online triplet or High Order Multiple resources. I've watched triplets being born on YouTube (and cried...), and have searched for narrower carseats, triplet strollers and other things that might help with surviving the hardest first four months, like Miracle Blankets and Bottlesnugglers.

Since I may end up on bedrest before their birth, I've started figuring out my employer and our state's short term disability policy.

On Monday, I'll be 6 weeks pregnant, and my infertility clinic graduates their pregnant patients between 8-10 weeks. This means I have 2-4 weeks to find an OB who specializes in high risk pregnancies, or better yet, a board-certified Maternal Fetal Medicine doc (perinatologist).

Since I live in a rural area with only a level II NICU, I suspect I'll need to travel to the nearest big city for prenatal care and Labor & Delivery. That's fine by me - I'd prefer to be in good hands. Thankfully the same city where my fertility clinic is located also has a university hospital with a great L&D facility and a level IV NICU. There are five perinatologists to choose from, one of whom is a woman (my pick of the bunch.)

We're in information gathering mode this weekend, and have used every second to try and prepare ourselves as best we can.

20dp3dt - The news... and it's BIG!

This week has been the longest and most agonizing of my life. Longer than than the wait to do an IVF cycle and longer than the beta wait when I suspected a BFP. During my acupuncture session this morning, when I was in between wakefulness and sleep, I asked God to give us only what we could handle. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then we had our first prenatal ultrasound and it was spectacular.

The nurse practitioner scanned left to right and I counted the yolk sacs... 1...2... oh my gosh... what was that?! ...3? Did I see three? Wait! I wasn't sure what I had seen, and the nurse practitioner was silent at this point, scanning back and forth. It was impossible to know whether I had double counted or not. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Then she counted out loud, with my husband sitting right next to me. He seemed totally calm and serene, but he was no doubt holding his breath. This was the moment of truth we had waited for. She pointed to the screen: "I see one... two... sacs." I waited for her to catch on and point out the third. "And there might be another one. Yes, there are definitely three sacs. Look!"

(Deafening silence from the peanut gallery)

"Here's one little guy hanging out all by himself, and here are the other two," she said more confidently, showing the sacs in detail as she measured them.

My husband and I exchanged holy sh!t looks and laughed. Elated, shocked, terrified, but mostly elated.

We go back next weekend for the second ultrasound at 6w5d and hope to see three strong, healthy heartbeats.

In the meantime, the hCG continued to double at breakneck speed.

14dpo: 193
16dpo: 531 (32 hour doubling time)
23dpo: 9706 (40 hour doubling time)

We are grateful that it's not ectopic, or a blighted ovum, or a molar pregnancy, or any of the other devastating things that it could have been.

The NP answered all of our questions, and then said, "Just enjoy today, enjoy this week. We see a lot of nausea around week 7 and 8, and there will be lots of time to talk about all of the other questions you will have. Just relish today's good news."

13dp3dt: 2nd Beta

14dpo: 193
16dpo: 531

That's a doubling time of 32 hours. Everything is looking promising so far. The nurses and secretaries at the clinic were literally jumping up and down today for my sake. It was such a great moment after all the heartache and uncertainty. After doing two back-to-back cycles, most of the nurses know me by name. It's such a welcoming feeling.

My first prenatal u/s is scheduled for next week (5wks). I can't wait to hear whether we're expecting a singleton or twins... or dare I even say it: triplets. It will be another two weeks (6wk4days) before we can expect to see a heartbeat. My clinic does weekly ultrasounds, and releases their patients to an OBGYN at 8-10 weeks.

We won't be out of the woods for many months, but so far so good. In fact, I don't think I'll relax about this pregnancy until after the baby/babies is/are safely in our arms. Then a lifetime's worth of worries will start. I'm not quite believing that I'm pregnant yet, but I am ready for it to feel real. I realize now I've been ready for many years.

11dp3dt: Big fat positive beta day

The hCG level is 193.5. I predicted a level of around 200 just for fun. I don't know why; the number just came to me. We are most definitely pregnant and overjoyed!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments - and for sharing in our excitement. It truly hasn't sunk in yet. I keep staring at the pregnancy sticks thinking the lines will fade, or the outcome will change. For now, even the digital is still shining a brightly positive "Yes+" every time I look. It's completely surreal to think I am four weeks pregnant today.

The beta doubling test is Wednesday, and if all is well, then they schedule the first ultrasound when I'm 5 weeks along. I am so happy to be joining my amazing "pregnant-despite-infertility" bloggie friends, Chelle, InVitroVeritas, Kate and many others on the next phase of this crazy journey.

It's too early to tell our family, but my closest IRL girl friends who have been following our IVF journey already know. If your family lived far away and you couldn't tell them in person, how would you break the news? We have a few weeks to come up with a cool plan to tell the grandparents. If you've heard any memorable pregnancy announcements or surprises, please leave a comment. Thanks!

HPTs for your analyzing pleasure

Day 9 post 3 dt


Day 7 & 8 post 3dt


It actually looks a little darker in real life, but still very faint.

9dp3dt - Saturday's yes Yes YES+!

Dh had to work today, and the alarm went off around 5:30 a.m. Before I had even surfaced, I said, "PEE STICK TIME!!" and leapt out of bed. Dh just laughed.

I had two First Res.ponse sticks left: a lined one, and a digital one. I went out on a limb and tried the digital. It blinked for a good 3 minutes before it came up with "Yes+". Oh my, oh my, oh my. It's like asking the Magic 8 ball this same question, and then wanting to shake it again just to be sure. Except it's not the Magic 8 ball, and I can't shake it.

3 days of testing, and 3 positives! This must not be a fluke. Holy crap. What if this is real? When can I start believing it?

I tried the last stick too, to compare line darkness, and it was a little lighter than yesterday's, but still completely visible. Is that a bad sign? Sorry if TMI, but the urine was not quite as concentrated after only 4 hours of sleep, compared to 8 hours the night before, so hopefully that explains it. Now I'm completely obsessing and I can't stop myself!

Monday afternoon's beta results is a world away...

8dp3dt - Friday's POAS heaven

When you're facing male and female infertility, and odds of less than 10%, you don't really ever think that it will work out. Besides, I'm a realist.

To suddenly find myself in HPT heaven is a very strange development indeed. Completely surreal and mindblowing. You want to believe it, but you know that this only happens to other people. Lucky people. Fertile people. Positive pee sticks doesn't happen to people like us. At least not without a miracle of some sort, planets aligning, and all that. But despite the odds, it seems a miracle may be in the making. In eleven years of this IF battle dangling over our heads, I never thought I'd see a positive.

The line on Friday morning's stick is slightly darker. Still very faint, but darker than Thursday's. I am in love with this feeling of hope and optimism. It's foreign and inexplicable, and even though I know it's way too early to be this ridiculously excited, I just can't help myself. My realistic self suddenly finds herself making way for a hopeful self.

While the First Response stick was "developing," Dh was looking over my shoulder. Not a minute had gone by, when he said, "It's darker!" He is even more excited than I am, if that is even possible.

I'm laughing about Nikki's comment, "Where's the photo so we can see?" Sorry to be holding out on you. He he he. I'll download the pics soon, and will post them.

Monday is beta day and it can't come soon enough.

7dp3dt and pee-stickyness on Thursday

With my last cycle, I bought a few fancy HPTs and a bunch of Dollar Store ones. All starkly white and decidedly, heart-wrenchingly negative. Not the faintest hint of anything to give me a sliver of hope.

I had one leftover Dollar Store one, but couldn't bring myself to use it. So on the way home from work, Dh and I stopped by our local drug store to stare at the HPT shelf. The choice wasn't immediately obvious, but in the end we settled on a 3-pack First Res.ponse with a bonus digital stick included.

Dh went for a run, and the pee sticks called my name incessantly. I caved. Before the 3 minutes were up, there was an almost imaginary faint second line. Imaginary, but also indisputable. I tilted it, held it up to the light, ran and grabbed the camera, stared at it a bit more and then starting grinning to myself in the mirror like the Cheshire cat. It's too early and rather inconclusive, but I have this gut feeling that this might be it. No symptoms to back it up other than an occasional twinge, which I had with the BFN cycle too, but I have this feeling of big fat positiveness that I just can't shake.

I started laughing with tears streaming down my face, and at that point, Dh walked in on me. He knew instantly what I was up to. (He knows me better than I know myself.)

Me (whispering so as not to jinx it): "I think I see a very faint second line. I've never ever seen that before."

Him (disbelief): No?!

Me (handing him the stick and trying to be nonchalant): Look for yourself and tell me if you see it.

Him (in under a nano second, without his glasses): I can definitely see it!!

Stunned silence. Holy cow. This is really happening.

He gives me this excited big bear hug and we stare at the stick some more. We take another photo, and I proceed to make excuses to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes for the rest of the night to double, triple, quadruple check that the hint of a line is still there and that I didn't just daydream. It is. But can it be trusted? We shall see.

How on earth will I sleep tonight?

6dp3dt and no symptoms

I've mostly been trying to keep my mind off the fact that I'm waiting for beta. It has consumed me despite my best efforts. Every twinge, every sting, every cramp makes me wonder what, if anything, is going on. Is it AF? Is it implantation? What if it is? What if it isn't? I'm crazy, obsessed and unable to focus on anything else. It's like I have beta ADD.

I've looked at the calendar, counted the days post transfer, added the numbers to figure out the number of days post ovulation (ER day): 6dp3dt = 9dpo. I've looked at the stages of embryo development a million times and have it memorized.

I've looked at my natural me.nstrual cycle on the calendar, tried to figure out when Aunt Flo (AF) would show up if she still knew what my schedule was before the meds messed with it, or if I should be counting my "normal" number of cycle days after AF started at 3dp5d last month.

If we're just comparing cycles, then at 9dpo today, I've already made it a day farther without spotting than with my last IVF cycle (8dpo). (Hooray for Progesterone-in-Oil injections and suppositories.) If I'm counting from last month, then I'm hoping she doesn't arrive this weekend.

I have had no real symptoms to report. I'm not getting much uninterrupted sleep because of the progesterone, and I've woken up every morning this week with my heart fluttering. It's the weirdest feeling, like it's giving an extra beat or three.

Earlier this week, my skin looked almost transparent, and I could see veins I've never noticed before. It was really weird. Maybe the winter has just been too long and my skin needs the Sun, but just as I started getting excited, the blue veins went away. All of the symptoms - tingly bo.obs, twinges - disappear as quickly as they appear.

I'll use a home pregnancy test this weekend, just to start preparing myself for the outcome.

The progesterone injections are going well, but I'm starting to get rather bruised now. Women who continue with the PIO injections for the entire first trimester have my utmost respect.

Weird signs everywhere I look

I'm usually attuned to signs, patterns or coincidences. It might just be that I'm more aware now, or that I'm constantly searching for signs, but twice something pretty weird happened on the drive home from the clinic.

After the first transfer, we were stuck behind a truck with the word "impregnate" in big letters on the back panel of the truck. It was so weird, because you couldn't miss it. Regardless of how hard we tried, we couldn't pass this truck (there was only one lane, because of a construction zone.) How often do you see that word on a truck?

Today, a car drove by us with a license plate spelling "MIDWIFE." I joked with my husband that we needed to follow her and make an appointment...

Day 3 transfer (IVF/ICSI #2)

Instead of waiting until Day 5, the RE recommended that we try a Day 3 transfer with this cycle. "Your body might be a better incubator for these embryos than our culture media," he said, gently trying to reassure me.

He wanted to look at the embies this morning, and then make a recommendation. We discussed our options telephonically, and there was a lot of uhm-ing and ah-ing before settling on transferring 3 embryos today (rather than waiting until the weekend). My gut was saying Day 3 since last month's Day 5 didn't work. He agreed. I'm a big believer in switching things up.

That resulted in a few panicked last-minute call-ins to work, and driving to the clinic in haste. I called the acupuncturist on the way to give him a heads up that I'd be stopping in unexpectedly. Oh, the drama, because both the acupuncturist and my RE had to leave at noon today. We had to get me knocked up - and fast - but without stressing me out. Try that one on for size.

We were there by 9:45, I had a blissful acupuncture session, and then went to the clinic for the transfer. The RE had other procedures in between, so he was doing a retrieval, then an HSG, while squeezing in my transfer. I'm very thankful for his multi-tasking ability, and never making me feel rushed despite all the other patients waiting for him.

Encounters with the spe.culum are never fun, but it's particularly alarming when they "prep" you and then walk out to get the embryos. I always feel tempted to yell out, "Hey, wait up! Come back here! You can't leave me like this!" The RE explained he wants to be sure he can access my cervix and uterus before they get the embryos.

The RE never leaves me alone - all prepped like that - for more than a minute or two before coming back with a nurse, an embryologist, and our embryos. But man oh man. It's still a pretty darn vulnerable position to be in for any amount of time, despite my husband's presence. And trying to relax "those" muscles while you're "with spe.culum." Well, don't get me started.

As with the last cycle, the quality of our embryos isn't good. My RE didn't sound very hopeful that it would result in a pregnancy, but he said he's seen poor quality embryos turn into beautiful babies, and even twins, so all is not lost.

I'd rather be prepared than have sunshine blown up my skirt.