A year has flown by

As I was preparing for their first birthday - already 3 weeks ago now - it felt just as unreal as when I first found out I was pregnant, or when we first found out we were having triplets, and those first dazed months after their birth. I just can't believe how fast we have reached this point.

There is something awe-inspiring about the big milestones. They're almost surreal, too big to contemplate. And so it is with a child's first birthday. It sneaks up on you and suddenly it's there, looming larger than life, begging to be celebrated in a significant, memorable way. Which we did. And it exceeded my every expectation: my little forest fairies had their grandparents present against all odds, and enjoyed every minute of being surrounded by our friends and family. Miraculously, no meltdowns. And my reflux-babies ate cake. Chocolate cake no less.

It was important to me to do as much of the prepping for the birthday party myself, to help it sink in. To make me come to terms with them becoming toddlers. To take the sting out of them not being babies anymore. To help me embrace their toddlerhood and move on right alongside them. As I was baking and cooking up a storm, I felt the cloud lift and the excitement set in: we have made it!

When you're raising triplets, it's all about fighting to stay in the moment with everything and everyone pulling simultaneously for your attention. It's hard not to be fully immersed in it, yet you have to be efficient, multi-task and stay 10 steps ahead or else everything comes to a grinding, epic halt. Raising triplets is not the kind of experience that allows for much perspective on the experience. That's primarily why I blog. And that's apparently why I bake too. To keep my hands busy while my head tries to make sense of it all.

Of course I feel extremely happy and fortunate about how far we've all come. There are many days where I'm sad about how fast it has gone (*lump in my throat*), and how little 1:1 time I've had with each of them (*guilt*), despite claiming as much time as I could. After a year of being a mom to triplets, I can truly say I feel like I can conquer the world one day, and that I'm drowning and utterly overwhelmed the next. I don't expect that to change anytime soon. Fortunately, the confident "We can do this" days are now outnumbering the pitiful, "We are hopelessly outnumbered and exhausted beyond comprehension" days.

There have been times that our life has felt entirely unmanageable with sick kids, difficult medical diagnoses, and Early Intervention evaluations and therapy. There have been equally triumphant days where the girls have reached milestones right on target. (More on their milestones in a separate post.) And then there have been plenty of blissful "run of the mill" days of just enjoying my children and getting to know them. Those days that almost seem normal are the ones to cherish.

This year has been an incredible thrill ride, full of the highest highs and the lowest lows one can imagine. It needed to be celebrated for all it was and for all it will never be again.

For the victory over infertility, for surviving the odds of a HOM pregnancy, for closing PDAs and still no signs of ROP, for being discharged from the NICU before Thanksgiving and well before their due date, for Emma's hip displasia resolving, for battling reflux and feeding issues and coming out whole the other side, for getting expressed breast milk for 12 months, for everything, just every single thing. And as much for their sake as mine. Because if we could make it through this year, we can make it through next year.

What gets me through the tough moments - like my one little girl's recent neurological diagnosis - is this: our hardest day with triplets is still a walk in the park compared to facing infertility.