9w6d - Elegy for PIO

Tomorrow we reach another significant milestone: the last PIO injection, and hopefully also my last infertility-related injection ever.

My refrigerator is still full of leftover Gonal-F pens, which I will donate to my clinic as soon as I pass the 13 week mark. Some part of me still doesn't quite believe that this will all work out. I guess that's just how it is when you're an infertile. You can never quite settle into it and enjoy the ride. I keep saying I'll believe it worked when I hold my babies in my arms.

My infertility clinic's discharge instructions said to stop PIO on May 18 (10 wks) and the pro.metrium by 12 weeks. Dh and I have been counting the days to the end of the progesterone in oil injections. We have never been so relieved to say goodbye to anything in our lives. Especially after what happened on Thursday. If you're squemish, stop reading now. You've been warned.

We've done more than 50 of these injections - and considered ourselves "experienced." Ha ha, you know a curve ball is coming. The unexpected happened. The needle kinda burned on the way in which happens from time to time, Dh pulled back on the plunger, there was no blood, so he bravely proceeded to inject the PIO. When he pulled the needle out, the blood didn't trickle, pour or gush out, but squirted and splattered EVERYWHERE. I guess he must have hit a vein on the way in, the needle plugged the hole while he was injecting, and when he pulled it out, well, the dam wall burst.

I was oblivious for a few seconds, because I don't have eyes behind my head (yet! that will surely happen when I become a mom of toddler triplets). In those seconds before I could put my hand on the spot, the blood sprayed all over him, all over the vanity, and all over the floor. It looked like a freaking massacre. It was all I could do not to picture a CSI team with a UV light inspecting the scene and wondering who had met an untimely death.

I started laughing.

Dh was clearly traumatized by it all, but totally keeping his cool. He grabbed paper towels and started wiping everything down, while I stood there still laughing my a$$ off because I couldn't believe the massive mess. It just wouldn't stop bleeding, despite my best efforts.

I grabbed some toilet paper, put pressure on it, but nothing worked. I decided to go down on all fours, hiney in the air, in an attempt to put an end to the craziness while Dh tried his best to stay a step ahead by wiping it all up. The blood flow eased, but by then our puppy pushed the bathroom door open to see what the commotion and excitement was all about. That pushed Dh over the edge and I had to swallow the rest of my giggles while pushing the dog out.

Oh my gosh, what we wouldn't go through to have children. The insanity of it all just never escapes me. In those moments, I always think: fertiles have no clue what we go through in pursuit of a family.

So, here's to you, PIO. Thanks for the memories, the bruises and the lumpy butt syndrome, but we're so done. I'm over you. Bye bye. And good riddance.

6dp3dt and no symptoms

I've mostly been trying to keep my mind off the fact that I'm waiting for beta. It has consumed me despite my best efforts. Every twinge, every sting, every cramp makes me wonder what, if anything, is going on. Is it AF? Is it implantation? What if it is? What if it isn't? I'm crazy, obsessed and unable to focus on anything else. It's like I have beta ADD.

I've looked at the calendar, counted the days post transfer, added the numbers to figure out the number of days post ovulation (ER day): 6dp3dt = 9dpo. I've looked at the stages of embryo development a million times and have it memorized.

I've looked at my natural me.nstrual cycle on the calendar, tried to figure out when Aunt Flo (AF) would show up if she still knew what my schedule was before the meds messed with it, or if I should be counting my "normal" number of cycle days after AF started at 3dp5d last month.

If we're just comparing cycles, then at 9dpo today, I've already made it a day farther without spotting than with my last IVF cycle (8dpo). (Hooray for Progesterone-in-Oil injections and suppositories.) If I'm counting from last month, then I'm hoping she doesn't arrive this weekend.

I have had no real symptoms to report. I'm not getting much uninterrupted sleep because of the progesterone, and I've woken up every morning this week with my heart fluttering. It's the weirdest feeling, like it's giving an extra beat or three.

Earlier this week, my skin looked almost transparent, and I could see veins I've never noticed before. It was really weird. Maybe the winter has just been too long and my skin needs the Sun, but just as I started getting excited, the blue veins went away. All of the symptoms - tingly bo.obs, twinges - disappear as quickly as they appear.

I'll use a home pregnancy test this weekend, just to start preparing myself for the outcome.

The progesterone injections are going well, but I'm starting to get rather bruised now. Women who continue with the PIO injections for the entire first trimester have my utmost respect.