Saturday, July 24, 2010

A mother's lament

The girls are starting to crawl. I'm trying hard to embrace their newfound independence, but we are utterly unprepared for this next phase. Of course we knew it was coming, but it still feels like it happened overnight.

We rushed out and bought an extra tall gate for the stairs that lead to the basement, hastily plugged all of the electrical sockets, and have the XT Superyard up around their play area.

Suddenly, our entire house seems like a danger zone - a choking, pinching, toppling over hazard. They crawl towards the dog, the camera, grab at my coffee cup while I'm drinking it, poke one another in the eye, want to crawl inside the exersaucers and underneath the bouncy seats. They demand constant vigilance now and I realize it will only get worse.

They are growing and developing so fast. I choke up when people comment that they've lost their infant-look, when I pack away clothes they've outgrown, or when I think about their first birthday just three months away. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited by their progress, proud of how far we've come, but I can't shake the sadness that I'll never get to experience this particular kind of baby magic again.

I feel like I've hardly had a chance to enjoy their babydom. It has consumed almost every minute of every day, but having triplets immerses you so fully and completely in the experience that you rarely have a chance to step back and recognize time has past.

I force myself to come to a standstill sometimes and just breathe. I watch them sleep, or linger a minute to snuggle their necks and steal kisses before I lay them down after a middle-of-the-night feeding. I play peekaboo, tickle games, and blow raspberries on their tummies, but there's never enough time between everything else that needs to happen to just enjoy being with them. It always feels like stolen moments.

It's almost with a shock that I realized I've stopped burping them, or that they no longer wail for every little thing.

Mostly their cries are now related to frustration at not being able to get into a specific position or reach a specific toy. Even though they don't have separation anxiety, they often let out a quick displeased cry when I dare walk away.

They crack us up when they talk to one another, giggle at one another's antics, or mimic one another. When they're in the exersaucers and one starts to jump, it causes such a ruckus when the others join in and it leads to lots of belly laughter. They really do amuse one another. It's adorable to watch.

I often sneak a peek into their bedroom when they've woken up to see them "chatting" with and cooing at one another. Sometimes they'd coo a bit before falling asleep too. There are lots of conversations happening in their nursery that we're not privy to.

Their personalities are really starting to show. They're such little people now.


Kahla said...

It does go so fast, I wish we could bottle them time forever!

My Endo Journey said...

I love reading your updates and so glad that things are going well. And, so glad that you take the time to really enjoy and relish the moment you are in! :) Good luck with all those hands and feet everywhere!!!

BB said...

I am still a couple of months behind you... but I have already started feeling that way! I can't believe my babes will be 4 months tomorrow! They are already starting to show their personality and seem no longer like the new born babies. Oh how time flies... and I hardly seem to sit and enojoy these moments!!

The One and Only Chelle said...

You capture a lot of what I am thinking, but can't really put it to words. Great post.

mekate said...

constant vigilance x 3!
holy moly,
good luck! honestly, no irony!
hope it goes as smoothly as it can.