Farming Out

It's quite the concept to farm out the most significant and life-changing experience to a group of REs, embryologists, nurses, pharmacists, and goodness knows who else.

I've known for more than a decade that IVF would be in my future, but the closer I get to it, the more I'm mourning the loss of conceiving "normally" (whatever THAT means!) I'd like to think I'm totally over the lack of romance this process entails, but maybe I'm not. I'm really resentful that it will take an army of specialists to make an embryo in a petri dish, and that it might not work despite everyone's best efforts. Dh's sperm won't even get to "swim" to fertilize the egg, for heaven's sake. It'll be shot straight into the egg, if we're lucky enough to have eggs retrieved for ICSI, that is.

Some days, I just want to shout from the rooftops, "Why does this have to be so $%&* complex and expensive?" And then the internal whining, "It's not FAIR!" Ugh. I know, I know life's not fair. But honestly, IF just sucks in so many ways. Sometimes I want to give up before I've even tried, because of all the "what ifs." It's beyond daunting, and running away seems like a perfectly reasonable response.