Monday, February 09, 2009

All in a Day - IVF/ICSI cycle #1 starts

The thing about relinquishing control is that life sometimes just magically works itself out, without my intervention. Sometimes, it's best to take my sense of reason out of the equation and just go with the flow. Today was such a day.

My plan was to go for a consult in March. Then the fertility clinic called and said, "We had a cancellation. Can you come on Monday?" I have always been impatient, and even more so where IVF is concerned. So, of course, I jumped at the earlier consult.

AF, usually as regular as clockwork, started two days late, and there I was, going in for a consult on day 2, and beyond all expectation, coming home with a protocol, prescriptions, and instructions to start a fl.are protocol TONIGHT. It's a beautiful thing, really, when you're in your thirties and have Endo, not to have to wait one nanosecond longer.

The doctors were contemplating the best approach and protocol, and the one said to the other, "She's ready, man. Look at her. She's ready." And so I was. In that moment when it became evident that I could start today, the weight lifted from my shoulders. The waiting is over, and I'm entering the next phase. I am suddenly feeling at peace with it all.

Hubby is beaming. I'm beaming. We're really doing this and it's not as daunting as it seemed a week ago. Now there's no turning back, and I'm okay with that.

On my way to buy the meds, I turn the radio on, and hear the ending of a song, "today... today... today." No kidding. Today. It's been an unpredictable day already, and it's only the beginning. It takes an hour to get the prescriptions filled, and they don't have it all, but I don't even stress about it. As long as I have the meds for tonight, I'm fine.

I switch the radio on as I drive to work, and hear, "Make a wish, take a chance, Make a change, and break away." No time to ponder the song, or bond with my box o' meds, as I'm late for a meeting. I grab an opaque bag and shove the meds in the work fr.idge. After the meeting, I retrieve the stash, and rendezvous with dh in a parking lot to do a covert meds handover as I head into another meeting. He couriers the meds home, while I focus all the attention I can muster on the meeting.

It's 8 p.m. when I'm finally home and can start to process the day, and figure out tonight's injections. Let the fun and games begin! The 2 shots (lupr.on and gon.al-f) were easy and painless. Now that I've spent months reading everything and educating myself, I can let go and just do this thing.

It's a crazy horse. But somebody's gotta ride it.

4 comments:

callmemama said...

Yay! Congratulations! I'll be here, living vicariously through you for now :).

Chelle said...

What a day!!! That's outstanding though! Good luck with this cycle! Sounds like it's off to a good start!

L said...

OMG!! YEAH!! How crazy! Aren't you glad that you obsessed over it all so you are educated now?!!! YEAH! I hear ya on the previous post on reading other peoples blogs and feeling for them. That exact thing is happening to me. I have a while to wait until we start...but until then I am totally into everyone else's lives. :) It really does help I think. I am SO FREAKIN' excited for you to start now instead of in March. YEAH!!!!! How did the shots go?

What IF? said...

Hi gals! It's wonderful to read all of your comments, and to know you're in my corner. Callmemama, your time will come when you're ready... I'm happy to have someone living vicariously through me for a change. :)

Chelle, thanks for the warm wishes. Off to a good start indeed!

L, yes, I'm glad I obsessed now! LOL.

The shots are a breeze, honestly. The needles are incredibly tiny - I had to look to see if it went in all the way.